| Saturday, June 12th, 2004 |
| 12:13 am |
just some thoughts.................
WHY DO I MISS HER? WHY DO I CONSTANTLY REMIND MYSELF OF HER? WHY DID SHE LOVE ME SO MUCH? WHY DID I BREAK UP WITH HER? SHE GAVE ME EVERYTHING I COULD POSSIBLY WANT. SHE WOULD GIVE HER OWN LIFE FOR ME. IT'S NOT OFTEN THAT YOU FIND SOMEONE LIKE HER. SHE WAS AMAZING. SHE CARED SO DEEPLY FOR ME. SHE MADE ME CARE ABOUT MYSELF. SHE MADE ME STRIVE TO BECOME SOMETHING MORE. SHE WAS MY LIFE. SHE WAS MY EVERYTHING. OH MY GOSH... I MISS HER MORE THAN WORDS CAN DESCRIBE. I WANT TO CALL HER. I WANT TO BE WITH HER. I WANT OUR RELATIONSHIP BACK. I WANT HER BACK. I WANT TO LIVE WITH HER. I WANT TO MAKE A LIFE WITH HER. I WANT TO BE HAPPY. I WANT TO FEEL LOVED. I WANT TO FEEL SAFE. I WANT TO SPEND MY LIFE IN HER ARMS. I WANT TO HEAR HER VOICE. I WANT TO SEE HER FACE. I WANT TO SMELL HER. I WANT TO FEEL HER HAND IN MINE. I WANT TO FEEL HER LIPS AGAINST MINE. I WANT HER TO LOOK AT ME WITH THAT LOOK IN HER EYES. I NEED HER. LIFE JUST ISNT THE SAME WITHOUT HER. I WANT TO HEAR HER CALL ME BABY. I WANT TO HEAR HER SAY I LOVE YOU. I WANT TO LAY IN BED WITH MY HEAD ON HER CHEST AND JUST LISTEN TO HER HEART BEAT. I WANT TO CALL HER. I WANT TO SAY I NEED YOU AND WANT YOU AND LOVE YOU. TRUE AS BLOOD. I WANT TO BE WITH HER. I WANT HER. I NEED HER. TRUE AS BLOOD. I WANT TO KNOW WHO SHE TALKS TO ON THE PHONE. I WANT TO KNOW WHO SHE KICKS IT WITH. I WANT TO KNOW IF SHE HAD A GOOD DAY AT WORK. I WANT TO GIVE HER A BACK RUB AFTER A HARD DAY. I WANT TO KNOW IF SHE'S SEEING ANYONE. I WANT TO KNOW IF SHE TELLS ANYONE SHE LOVES THEM. I WANT TO BE HER ONE AND ONLY. I WANT TO BE THE ONLY PERSON SHE EVER LOOKS AT. THE ONLY PERSON SHE TALKS TO. THE ONLY PERSON SHE SPENDS TIME WITH. I WANT TO SUPRISE HER ON HER ON HER LUNCH BREAK. I WANT TO SEND HER FLOWERS AT WORK FOR NO REAL REASON.I JUST CALLED HER AND LISTENED TO HER SAY HELLO OVER AND OVER. HER VOICE... OH HER VOICE. I MISS HER. I WANT HER. I WANT TO LEARN HOW TO CORNROW SO I CAN BRAID HER HAIR. I WANT TO GET MY HANDS ALL GREASY WHILE TAKING OUT HER BRAIDS. I WANT TO RUB LOTION ON HER ASHY KNEES. I WANT TO BE THE ONE SHE VENTS TO. I WANT TO BE HER SHOULDER TO CRY ON. I WANT TO BE HER EVERYTHING. I WANT HER TO BE MY EVERYTHING. I LOVE HER. just some thoughts Current Mood: completely lost and hopeless |
| Friday, June 11th, 2004 |
| 4:34 pm |
uhhhh...........
i dont want to like him so therefore i dont like him. i take it back. whatever. i'm in a really bad mood and i dont know why. i hate feeling too immature or young. it sucks. i hate being bored. it's friday i want to go out and do something. i need fun, i need friends, i need a life. uhhhh i hate this. i am alone. i am afraid. i hate my life today. blah blah blah. i dont even feel like writing. uhhhhhh....... Current Mood:  crappy |
| Thursday, June 10th, 2004 |
| 8:36 am |
Where Do I Begin????
wow it has been a really long time since i wrote in here....so much has happened. finally gave up my relationship in feb actually. since then i've been on a roller coaster with teresa. but even that is finally over. thank God. lost my job at macy's in feb also, and now i'm working at subway. it sux. i think i want to move back in with my mom. that would be so much better for me. i'd like get a job in concord and i'd be able to go to dvc and take my gen ed classes. it would help me spiritually to be away from Vanessa and them and to have a different job. i'd finally get to start life after highschool(a year after i graduated!!!). so yeah definitely an idea. i really want to start a drama team with the youth group. not now. well i wanna try to bring it up now, but i think i should be a little more stable in my own relationship with God.so at some point i wanna bring that up and see who would go for it. i dont think that i'm the only one who loves to act. we'll see...... i like richard at times and at other times i dont. i think he's a great person and a very close friend, but i dont know. i know i dont really need a relationship right now anyway, but yeah. there's this other guy i'm feelin'. i used to be interested in him but then i got back with teresa. i think those feelings for him never actually went away. but i dont think anything will ever happen with that situation. i would like to kick it and get to know him but i dont think it would be a great idea because of other people. i dont even think he's into me.... so whatever. he is so sweet. like beyond sweet. he goes to church. he's cute. he's really intellegent. he has a really kool sense of humor. he's really caring. i often find myself just staring at him. it's wierd. i think about him frequently..."what if he is into me?" or "what would i say if we did go out?" i have to get ready for work now..oh and it sux that i have to walk from deanna's house. but yeah so i gotta go get ready for work. i like this phrase that we learned in youth group last night... it's ok if a bird lands on your head, but dont let it make a nest there. basically it's not a sin if satan puts thoughts into your mind, but it becomes sin when you dwell on it or act on it. Current Mood:  flirty |
| Saturday, February 28th, 2004 |
| 7:58 pm |
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| Tuesday, September 2nd, 2003 |
| 10:45 pm |
the past
for some reason i was very reminded of the past today. i saw these 2 sisters heather and crystal that i used to kick it with when i was like 9. it was so cool. i saw like 5 different people that i graduated with. work is a cool place to see people. then on my lunch break i saw jenny a friend from skool and she asked if i was still with teresa and yeah i was reminded of the past. it sucks tomorrow i'm scheduled 1-9:30 and that means i have to miss youth group. i really enjoy christina's teachings on David. it's very interesting. today was my firt full day,9:45-6:15. my feet are killing me. tomorrow morning i get to go with deanna to take krystal to her first day of highschool. yay! oh my baby's growing up!!!!!!!!!:) yeah so life is ok but crazy. i'm having a hard time not smoking and i was very tempted today but i didnt. i havent smoked in 2 1/2 weeks. that's cool. yeah Current Mood:  indescribable |
| Monday, September 1st, 2003 |
| 7:24 pm |
God is awesome
wow. we were on the way bback from hume and the car did something we spun out went off the road almost flipped twice and messed up the car. it wasnt christie's fault we r not really sure what happened. yeah so we almost died. but we didnt. it could have been way worse. we had just reached the end of the mountain and it so couldve happened while we were on the mountain. yeah going off cliffs is never good. we easily could have flipped but we didnt. no one was hurt. the car isnt that bad. so God is awesome. just thought i'd share. Current Mood: in awe |
| Thursday, August 28th, 2003 |
| 4:32 pm |
ouch
you know i am the anonymous that commented ouch that really hurts. why do you think it was forever? Current Mood: DESTROYED |
| Tuesday, August 26th, 2003 |
| 5:19 pm |
thinking
i start work tomorrow. i had training and orientation all day yesterday.....BORING!!!!. i'm excited though. it'll get my mind of things. i got my schedule for the next 3 weeks....wow. i'm gonna make phat money. working a lot. it's cool though. right now all i do is sit around and think. it really sucks. everytime i want to call her i call my mom or someone and i just sit there on the phone with nothing to say. i miss her a lot but i'm okay. every day i pray that any time i start to think about her...God would change my thoughts and make me think about how awesome He is. i really wish that i could be there for her right now. it really seems like she needs someone. i might not be the person that you need, but i am praying hard for you. some people are the types of friends that dont really know what to say so they just sit and listen and let you get it out and others try everything to give you the right advice. it doesnt make them any less of a friend. it just means that's their way of trying to help. something i realized while thinking about this concept is that God just listens. He will let you pour your heart out and just hold you. It's amazing. I'm sorry that you dont have a physical person there for you to hold and and let you cry...I will pray that God sends you someone. Or maybe He wants you to become totally dependent on Him right now and always. the direction of that post greatly changed. yeah i'm a little mixed up right now. But God will give me the peace that my heart craves. and i pray that God would restore our friendship when we are both ready and that it would be a quickened process. Jesus is my #1 BESTEST friend, but i miss my best friend. Current Mood:  contemplativeCurrent Music: skinna marinky dinky dink (in my head)!!!!!!! |
| 3:59 pm |
 You are Sadness . You think the whole world is mad at you and that noone likes you .. Well it's not true the whole world isn't mad at you and there are people that love you . You just need to get out of the bubble that you have created around yourself and have a look around when you do that you will be happier . What Emotion are you ?!?!?!?! ( with pictures ) brought to you by Quizilla |
| Monday, August 18th, 2003 |
| 11:12 am |
where to begin......
i dont even kno where to begin. i miss t. a lot. i cant stop thinking i cant stop crying. i'm an emotional wreck. uuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! i dont ven know what to write!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Current Mood:  blank |
| 10:05 am |
despite what i feel..........
right now i feel like turning and running away from God, right back to where i was. but i'm not going to. i'm gonna push on in God.... despite what i feel!!!!!! Current Mood:  determined |
| Wednesday, August 6th, 2003 |
| 12:22 pm |
WOOHOO
God you are so amazing. thank you for giving me the words to say and ways to relate it for more understanding. You are awesome. I'm so thankful that you are using me!!!! WOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! !!! |
| Wednesday, July 9th, 2003 |
| 2:41 pm |
cant get past
i have these things going on i feel so lost and so very wrong i dont know why i did these things and i dont wanna know the consequences it brings i feel like a scared little child being facing up after acting wild i feel so dumb not even thinking slept with this guy without even thinking now i have to pay the price remembering that day for the rest of my life. why the hell did i get drunk? why did i smoke weed? why did i let him in here? why did i go into the bedroom with him? why did i let him take off my clothes? why did i have sex with him? why? nothing makes sense. i thought i was better than that. now what if i find out that i'm pregnant? or if i have a std? what will i do? aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!! Current Mood:  angry |
| Tuesday, July 8th, 2003 |
| 2:23 pm |
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| 2:08 pm |
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| 2:05 pm |
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| 1:59 pm |
[ Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<img [...] http://images.quizilla.com/a/aingael/1051895953_ctureslove.jpg">') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.] <img src="htt<img src="http://images.quizilla.com/A/Aingael/1051895953_ctureslove.jpg" border="0" alt="You Are Love"><br>You are Love. You love life, you love all those around you and<br>the world that you live in. You are happiest<br>when you are doing something for someone else<br>or for the common good of mankind. <br><br><a href="http://quizilla.com/users/Aingael/quizzes/What%20Emotion%20Are%20You%3F/"> <font size="-1">What Emotion Are You?</font></a><BR> <font size="-3">brought to you by <a href="http://quizilla.com">Quizilla</a></font> p://images.quizilla.com/V/vinacross/1045377004_isStuffSad.gif" border="0" alt="Sad"><br>You're the sad smile,the one that regrets nearly<br>everything and is constantly wondering about<br>what could have been.You're not happy with your<br>situation and usually blame yourself because of<br>the bad things that have happened.Cheer up. <br><br><a href="http://quizilla.com/users/vinacross/quizzes/What%20Kind%20of%20Smile%20are%20You%3F/"> <font size="-1">What Kind of Smile are You?</font></a><BR> <font size="-3">brought to you by <a href="http://quizilla.com">Quizilla</a></font> |
| Monday, July 7th, 2003 |
| 2:50 pm |
 You are Love. You love life, you love all those around you and the world that you live in. You are happiest when you are doing something for someone else or for the common good of mankind. What Emotion Are You? brought to you by Quizilla |
| Saturday, July 5th, 2003 |
| 2:28 am |
stupid
teresa came to get the ring today. i tried to act like i didnt care but i dont think i succeeded. after she left while vanessa was in the shower, i did it. i punched the wall a few times, and then i did it. it was stupid. very stupid. the reason i tried to act it didnt bother me is because i didnt want her too see that it was tearing me apart. i know it's her ring and she has every right to take it back, but i just wanted to keep it. i never want to forget the last 5 1/2 months of my life, i dont regret it in the least, so i just wanted to have the ring so i could look at it and see why i dont want to forget it. see i cant put anything into words. i cant explain why i wanted to keep the ring, i just did. i am the stupidest person in the world. i had the worst day of my life today. yeah. stupid. i'm tired. really tired. but i have a lot i need to say. but i need to go to sleep. yeah. i need to just sleep and stuff. i am stupid. Current Mood: disappointed |
| Friday, July 4th, 2003 |
| 3:46 pm |
 You represent... anger. Mad at the world, eh? You have a tendency to... freak out easily. Overly emotional about everything, you're most prone to bouts of cruelty and moodiness. Other people may be afraid of the fact that you explode so easily, but at least you're honest... even if you're honest about not liking anything. What feeling do you represent? brought to you by Quizilla |
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aggie14's journal
